I think I have ideas for 3 scripts going on in my head but I'm trying to squish them into two. Neil Gaiman is not helping.

Let me e'splain. The first book I read of his was Neverwhere. A good book but not one I was that terribly impressed with. It read like a script to me mostly in the way that it's very action-action-action without a whole lot of character development - something I require to feel satisfied when reading a story. (Someone told me I think that the BBC mini-series was done first and that indeed it was originally written as a script. I might be wrong, but it wouldn't be the first time.)

But now I'm reading American Gods. A book so full of character exposition and just all-around meta-ness that my head my explode from it. Why is this a problem? Well, for one it's intimidating. For another, it just puts too many ideas in my brain and makes it harder for me to distinguish between what belongs on a screen, and what belongs on a page. Scripts are something like a skeleton with a few meaty bits attached. It's a template an idea with witty dialogue. When I see an idea in my head, I see it from start to finish nearly all at once. Or if it's just a scene or a concept, I see all the layers in it. I don't know how to translate that into scriptwriting. It's so impersonal. I have to stop being a fan of my own ideas and treat them as tender instead.

hmmm.

Rambling, thy name is me.

3 weeks

and counting. I spent less time on the internet last month and more time thinking about the ideas in my head.

Also, turns out that there was a glitch in paperwork regarding my admission to the "Indy film" class over the cinematography class. Looks like I may get that class afterall.

Took some really great photos and clips in SF last weekend. I cannot wait to get behind a better camera.

thoughts on K-town

Over a year ago, Henry and I had thoughts about writing a TV show (comedy) based around living in Los Angeles. I've been reworking some of the ideas in my head and have chucked a few and condensed the rest into something much more workable I think.

Watching "Spaced" really helped. Thanks Rian.

All the boiling energy from yesterday has returned to a simmer but it's starting to smell really good in my head.

Wow. That was the worst metaphor ever. Thank god I'm more interested in making pictures than I am in writing them.

But I do have my ideas about stories, I just need to find a partner (beta, whatever). Maybe I'll luck out this summer.

Question

How does one, when writing a story, look objectively at their own work? When you are trying to create a certain tone, how do you know you are actually doing it?

The easy answer is to let someone else read it. But I'm selfish and want people to get exactly what I'm trying to say and see what I'm saying as I see it in my mind's eye.

Guh. Frustrating.

God I hate it when I'm like this

Right now I'm oacing through my apartment and I'm full of this tense energy that I can't put down in words. This is why I'm afraid of the creative process. I need someone to bounce these ideas off of and I have no outlet for that. Writing them down helps, but I feel like I'm jumping two steps ahead when I do that. Like I should talk them out first or something.

Annika's recovering from a bad headache and Lori and Mom aren't available. I just tried calling them.

I can see the idea in my head but don't know where to start.

So my idea last night is still percolating in my head. It threw me back to a story I started writing over a year ago and I think that I cn combine the two into something. TV probably not, a film possibly.

I dunno I dunno I dunno


I had thoughts, but then started screwing around with my html and now I have no titles and can't seem to switch my comments from Heath's to blogger. Also you can't see the title anymore because of the stupid new blogger bar. Guh. Whatever.


So I keep thinking about Anna and all the other little small towns I lived in as a kid and how beautiful they are in my minds eye. I keep gettng ideas for characters but no plot no plot no plot other than there's a girl and she's a fish out of water and blah blah blah. Mean kids cool kids.

OMG. Is that what it feels like when an idea hits? Wow. I should type incessantly more often.

personal blog, stardate 27042005

Sitting at my office desk, looking out the door and a 8-year-old skates by at break-neck speed on rollerblades. This is a university. Not so much with the 8-year-olds. There he goes again. Red hoody and jeans.

He belongs to the 7 months pregnant, 21 year old woman working in the office down the hall as the Dean's receptionist. Do the math. According to her sister (who also works here) she accidentally got pregnant at the tender age of 13 when she spent an evening making out and getting groiny with her junior high boyfriend in a hot tub. The kicker is, the woman claims that there was never any penetration or bathing suit removal on her part, only that he rubbed against her. I'm dubious, but that's their story and they're sticking to it. She didn't even realize she was pregnant (who would at that age?) until she was past 6 months. Apparently she was playing on her school's basketball team and something happened during a game that landed her in the local ER and that's when they figured it out. They just thought she was putting on weight until then.

The woman got married last spring to a nice guy who I've seen once or twice in her office. During the preparation for the wedding she told me (and others) that they were already trying to get pregnant.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this down other than to start my film journal. Seemed like an interesting story. The little boy started it. Right now I'm imagining how I would shoot her story. Whether I would start out with "scene 1 - a little boy skates in front of an office door in a place where little boys don't usually do, the person sittng at the desk observes him and begins to think about the boy's mother. FADE TO: a swimming pool circa 1998.

I think that my first attempts at telling or creating stories are going to be plagued by anvils because in my telling of things, I have a burning need to make sure that people get it when I tell them something or express an idea visually. This need causes me to repeat myself in conversations, especially when I think I've said something clever that everyone in the room should be laughing at.

The other hard part about this will be allowing myself to think like a creator. Let me explain. I admire creators, worship them in fact. Someone who creates is incredibly sexy and irresistable to me and I think that humans are no closer to the divine than when we are creating. This creates (hee!) a problem for me though. Combine my exhaulted opinion with my lack of confidence and self-doubt and I get lazy and wishy-washy and just plain scared. "I'm not worthy," I tell myself repeatedly.

Ugh. It's 5pm. Time to go home.